Tag Archives: Valerian

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Thumbs up or Thumbs down? Simple, spoiler free reviews.

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Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is a science fiction action adventure film based on the French comic series Valérian and Laureline, written by Pierre Christin and illustrated by Jean-Claude Mézières. It stars Dane DeHaan as Valerian and Cara Delevingne as Laureline.

Now, granted I know absolutely nothing of the original source material but I simply refuse to accept that for something first published in 1967 all the way through to 2010 that this movie is the best that could be made. It’s rushed, sloppy and ultimately soulless.

It’s a shame because the opening scenes with Valerian and Laureline do show some potential, however unfortunately everything quickly devolves into a big mess of nonstop…Things happening. You meet this character for a scene and then this character for another. It is all so meaningless. The movie barely takes a second to breathe and when it does try, it misses the mark.

Valerian was written and directed by Luc Besson, who directed the cult classic Fifth Element and in many ways this does feel like a 2017 version. It has a similar vibe, the same bright colours and a daft, poorly executed plot. Truth be told, it is not as good as the Fifth Element. Maybe the whole thing just needed a Chris Tucker cameo to tie it all together though? Maybe…

Meanwhile you have Dane DeHaan, I just don’t see him as an action star. He’s has that scrawny, weird-looking kid kind of vibe about him. To me, he felt like a fish out of water but again, I do not know the source material so that casting could have been spot on. In my opinion it looked like a nerd trying to play a badass, but it wasn’t done intentionally for laughs. He’s just been miscast.

The main problem however is the lack of any sort of back story, who are these people? What have they done before? Couple that with very minimal character development and you leave me wondering why I should care about anything I am watching. I literally did not care for anyone in this entire film, they were either boring or CGI. Okay fine, I thought the little animal converter thing was cute, but that is just playing on my weaknesses. A friend of mine said that hopefully we would get more information if a sequel was greenlit but that is one film too late!

The love story, which is the only thing that you could even pretend had any development in was forced, on the nose and in honesty kind of boring. There is pretty much zero chemistry between the two leads. Valerian is meant to be some sort of big time ladies’ man, but I didn’t believe it and by the end I was just rolling my eyes.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets also ticks another box on my pet peeves list. Too much CGI! Many others are praising the movie for how good it looks and in some shots it is fantastic but the main aliens themselves reminded me far too much of John Carter and the Star Wars prequels. Which I believe we can all agree is not a good thing! Can we not get some make up and prosthetics up in here?!

Ultimately watching this film I was both bored and frustrated, which is not a particularly good combination to have. I have to say that I would not recommend it and in my opinion this movie is an absolute bomb. Which I take zero pleasure in saying. If you were hoping for a new ‘Guardians of the Galaxy out of left field’ hit franchise, this isn’t it folks. It’s more Jupiter Ascending.

Verdict: Thumbs Down

 

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