Thumbs up or thumbs down? Simple, spoiler free reviews.
You know who hasn’t made enough movies about sharks, giant sharks, flying sharks, big sharks fighting other big things, even bigger sharks, even bigger BIGGER BIGGER sharks? That’s right. Hollywood. Or at least, that’s what they seem to think as they keep churning them out. I can only assume that based on the success of the ridiculous Sharknado franchise that a bigger studio wanted a piece of the action to cash in on. So here we are, The Meg, another film about the megalodon that, guess what…. Turns out, get this….NOT TO BE EXTINCT AFTER ALL! …Surprise, bloody surprise…and now it wants to kill everything in sight. Specifically though it seems, humans, for some reason? Must be super tasty I guess.
Objectively, everything about The Meg is atrocious. It’s cliché driven drivel, eye roll inducing nonsense, a comically bad affair with lazy writing, paper-thin characters and awful CGI. It’s everything I’d normally complain about in a movie and yet… I loved it.
Sure it’s bad, sure it’s really, really dumb. But you know what? I kind of wanted it to be. I wanted it to be a film that doesn’t really take itself too seriously, although granted it does walk that line a few times. I wanted it to be a big dumb shark movie and that’s exactly what I got. So, based on meeting my wants and expectations The Meg is immediately a big old thumbs up. No it won’t be winning any Oscars (more like Razzies to be honest) and yeah sure, it will be in the bargain bins before you know it but sometimes you want a mindless, pure brain eroding tosh, popcorn flick to just laugh at.
Jason Stathom plays, well…Jason Stathom. Sure his character is called Jonas but honestly I think that was a typo on the first draft that never got fixed. Much like Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Stathom is an actor who plays the same role is practically everything he’s in. An intense bad ass who turns out to have a good heart at the end of the day. It isn’t played for laughs like his role in ‘Spy’ but his straight faced intensity works well, in a way, against the sheer ludicrous (not the rapper) situations he finds himself in. To be fair, I think it’s safe to say that the entire cast knew that the film was nonsense, well almost, the Chinese cast perhaps took a few scenes too seriously **Cough** the death scene.
The film has a number of jump ‘scares’, because of course, giant sharks are known for also having the ability to roll natural 20s on every stealth check. Not that I’m complaining, there is something oddly amusing about a shark that size managing to disappear while swimming around in the shallows of a highly populated beach. The movie also has the classic ‘waiting for the shark to do a jump scare – OH DAMN WHATS THAT NEXT TO ME – oh its my friend appearing to say a casual hi’ jump scare. Which is my favourite jump scare style of all time in fact.
No review would be complete without a mention that the CGI for the megalodon itself it absolute trash. It’s day time telly quality. I think I’ve actually seen better CGI on day time telly now that I think about it. There is one scene in particular in which the shark jumps out of the water and flops onto a boat. It looks like something that would have been acceptable in Shark Attack 3, which was made in 2002!
Honestly though this is a fun flick. It has its fair share of good comedic moments that had the cinema laughing away as well as the bonus of being able to laugh at the movie at the same time. It’s a double-whammy! At the end of the day if the studios set out to make a daft popcorn munching flick about a big dumb shark then, mission accomplished. Then they smashed it out of the park.
The Meg is absolute garbage. I highly recommend its awfulness. 10/10.